Stuff Collected

Eye halve a spelling chequer, It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue , Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word, And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write, It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid, It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite, Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it, I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh, My chequer tolled me sew.

Are you tired of all those sissy “friendship” poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath…I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask, because you are my friend.

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES ‘N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER
STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.

Happy Thanksgiving!