Stuff Collected

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
Labels…..Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in printer !!!

March - Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6
Months…..box said “2-4 years!”

April - Trapped on escalator for hours ….. Power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions….8 cups of water
Won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the
Other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm…..car swamped because
Soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October - Hate M & M’s….they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days instructions said 1 hour per
Pound and I weigh 108!!

December - Couldn’t call 911 ….. “duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button
On the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen books on the subject and,finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” Startled, the blonde moved farther down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino and began to cut yet another hole.

Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” The blonde, now worried, moved clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” She stopped, looked skyward, and asked, “IS THAT YOU, LORD?”

The voice replied, “NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.”