Pope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, “Frankly, you’re lucky to be here.”
Pope John Paul II says, “Why? What did I do wrong on earth?” St. Peter says, “God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests.”
Pope John Paul says, “He’s mad about THAT?”
St. Peter says, “She’s furious.”
1. Zero Gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
…The Russians used a pencil.
By the way… Your taxes are due again–enjoy paying them.
2. Our Constitution
“They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years and we’re not using it anymore.”
3. Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery” and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a ‘hostile’ work environment.
In case you’ve had a rough day, I would like to recommend the following stress management technique that has been recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called “the world”!
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding underwater.
See! You’re smiling already.