Stuff Collected

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

“I should be in charge,” said the brain , “because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen”.

“I should be in charge,” said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”

“I should be in charge,” said the stomach,” because I process food and give all of you energy.”

“I should be in charge,” said the legs, “because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”

“I should be in charge,” said the eyes, “because I allow the body to see where it goes.”

“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “Because I’m responsible for waste removal.” All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? The asshole is usually in charge !!

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that you are not to be disgusted by anything involving the human body. For example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck a finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,”The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device… a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. “You impotent _____,” She screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years?” You better explain yourself!” The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: “I’ll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids.”